Been a busy couple weeks for all the algorithms, I mean people, in a furious lather over the daily delivery of geopolitics, warfare, assassinations, racism, Nazis, migration, housing, defence, economic and a thousand other injustices real or perceived.

And that’s just their thoughts on the civilised world’s behaviour.

Lord knows what they think of the Third World where the Western luxuries of free speech and democracy without the quotidian terror of despotism, autocratic subjugation and summary execution don’t exist.

Or if they even think of them.

Mad, mad world, for sure. Which is why yet again I find myself distracted by other goings-on.

Like the dinner invitation to all things UFO from the Close Encounters Society where front of mind will be a petition to Canberra to open an inquiry into the 1966 Westall sightings of three ‘flying saucers’ by more than 200 students, teachers and members of the public.

Sixty years later, the kids still want answers on what they saw and why they were ordered to shut up.

Other goings-on distracting me include the Colossal Australia project’s ambition to resurrect the woolly mammoth. Got a Melbourne Uni professor and Hollywood’s Hemsworth boys on board to also bring back the dodo, giant moa and other species.

Where it’s going to stop with the immortal Thor at the helm? The Tassie tiger? Forget that, get to work on the Richmond Tigers, I hear some tragics whisper.

Might be good, too, if they could inject some life into the moribund spuds in Canberra.

Things are getting weirder again with an Alaska professor theorising time has three dimensions and might bridge the gap between quantum physics and Einstein’s theory of relativity governing everything else. Rocky Horror Time Warp physics, for sure.

Not as good, however, as the radioactive ET prawns US Senator John Kennedy is warning about from Indonesia.

“Radioactive isotope … it’ll kill ya,” he cautions. “Even if it doesn’t turn you into the alien … I guarantee you’ll grow and extra ear.”

Meanwhile, at a meeting of The Great Game titans, Putin’s been banging on to a bored Xi about organ transplants helping people live forever; basically the antithesis of everything his career’s been about to date.

But which is why it’s good to know Chinese scientists have successfully teleported a pack of info from Tibet to a satellite 1400km overhead. No humans yet, just photons, but it’s a start.

Xi might offer Vlad a free trip if the bugger’s planning on living forever. Space cadet Musk could maybe help finance things.

He wants to go to Mars. Could be a neat upsize deal for humanity.

Oh, there’s another invitation I’ve just received as well. A first-class boarding pass to the RMS Titanic, no less, telling me the Lord can rescue me from sinking.

He did teach me to swim years ago but could this be the lifejacket I need to escape the mad world’s white noise?

It’s a dilemma. UFOs or Mae West, who should I RSVP?

This article appeared in the Geelong Advertiser 16 September 2025.