Been plenty to boggle the brain out of Stateside the past week. You could be excused for thinking an alien virus, brainwashing probe or somesuch has infected the red, white and blue.

All because of an assassination attempt on the most divisive political figure the country’s seen in years. People are losing their minds. The reactions, the commentary, the memes, recriminations, virtue signalling, about-faces and conspiracy theorising are quite extraordinary.

That’s politics for you. Twenty-four hours might be a long time in the game but an errant bullet is like a cosmic singularity. A little like space-time being ruptured and everyone’s brain vacuumed up into a black hole.

So what’s so earth-shattering? Take a look:

– A convicted felon ex-president – whose chief strategist, campaign chair, national security advisor and advisor are all similarly convicted felons – says God alone saved him and declares an ambition to unite the country. What the heck?

–  A country full of gun-toting cowboys but the highest profile one can’t shoot straight, and was even ridiculed at school for his ‘comical’ marksmanship. What the …?

– A wannabe hillbilly who likened Trump to Hitler is appointed the Republican candidate’s VP running mate. Whaaat?

– Investigators going nuts trying to find Thomas Crooks’s motive for shooting a man despised by millions. And he was a registered Republican. Whaaat?

– Secret Service goons who ignore warnings about the shooter, who squeal ‘What do we do?’ when trying to protect Trump, who allow him a photo-op instead of keeping him down for his safety, who struggle to holster their guns and then blame local police for the shooting. You couldn’t make this stuff up.

– Conspiracy theories that Trump and some tricksters planned the assassination attempt. Tomato sauce in the earhole. Three Stooges stuff.

– Memes and skits with Vincent Van Gogh, Alec Baldwin, gay ear piercings, hair gags by Don T Junior and more. To be expected, frankly, even if some, such as the Stormy Daniels gags, had to be kept out of earshot.

– Virtue signalling from Albanese, Rudd and a conga-line of suckholes changing their stripes to sympathise with their much-maligned antithesis. Again, whaaat?

– Jack Black’s whirling dervish amusement at the Trump shooting followed by regret as his Tenacious D Aussie tour is smoked as insurers pull the plug. Even cancel culture’s now working for Trump. What the heck?

– Trump shooting sneakers at $300, T-shirts out of China almost immediately, trading cards, golf balls, picture frames, even whiskey shot glasses – just waiting on the earmuffs.

It’s hard to beat the coffee mug update on Trump’s previous arrest mugshot coffee mug, though.

At just $30 a pop, (sorry about that) it’s only 30 times what you’d pay at Kmart. And where Trump’s involved, you’d have to be a mug yourself to miss out on a bargain like that.

Better stock up for Christmas for the RWNJs in your family now, I’d suggest.

This article appeared in the Geelong Advertiser 23 July 2024