All goes to plan, this time next week I’ll be well free of the election result, however it falls.

Volcanoes, earthquakes, miserable airlines all willing, I’ll be in a comfy seat at 900kmh+, 37,000 feet in the air, getting the hell out of Dodge.

On my bike and, soon after, 4400km away up in the jungle somewhere. Probably looking out over a waterfall or a river, fair chance with a Bintang in my paw.

And why the heck not?

The cant, self-interest, delusion and mischief masquerading as rational debate on issues affecting the future of Oz has been enough to do my head in.

I don’t know who’ll get in in Canberra but I do know, going by records, promises and ineptitude, it won’t be pretty.

Pick any debate raised in the election campaign and you’ll find a basketcase exemplar of failed public interest and integrity. Politics? Ptui!

Dissenting views, other sides to issues, facts especially – are all too often rejected with invective, hatred, personal abuse. Violence is considered a legitimate recourse by too many.

Nutshell: The land of the fair go’s pretty much got up and gone when it comes to politics.

So regardless of the outcome, I’ll be up on the Island of the Gods soothing the fevered grey matter while Canberra’s no-hopers are most likely weaselling up a minority government.

Yep, in a hothouse of tropical forest, misty mountains, river gorges and waterfalls, rice terraces, dense green jungle, art galore, azure pools, knockout restaurants and hotels.

 

With a bit of luck, the rain will bucket down at four each afternoon to cool things while I’m lounging about on a thatched-roof cocktail balcony.

This among a fervently religious, exquisitely polite but sadly impoverished Hindu people often working 12 hours a day seven days a week – somehow maintaining a happy disposition they seriously need to bottle and sell.

If a trip to Bali doesn’t remind you just how lucky you have it in Oz, even with the misfits making a dog’s breakfast of Canberra, check your soul.

The Balinese are mystified at how so many booze-addled, half-naked Aussie barbarians invading their beautiful island have so much money to blow. I look at Canberra and wonder the same thing. How are we getting away with this?

For my part, give me the wellbeing scammers and con artists Bali’s also renowned for any day. The breatharians living on sunlight, the didgeridoo healers droning you toward nirvana, the eat-pray-love desperadoes seeking happiness in spas, massages, veganism, retail therapy and cute Ketuks.

Eminently more integrity with them.

And give me a trip where flights and 10 days’ accom can easily fall between $1500 and $3000. A 10-day road trip staying in shonky Aussie motels, no breakfast, by contrast, will easily cost you a couple of grand.

Best of all, I can cut out of Geelong on a late morning flight and be floating in a Tuban pool by three in the arvo, Bintang time.

Gets my vote every time.

This article appeared in the Geelong Advertiser, 29 April 2025