Nothing like a quick trip round the back paddock to see what’s been happening in your absence.

So a week in the saddle with my young bloke was just the ticket as we went hunting the great southwest’s floating islands, Otway panthers, dinosaurs, volcanoes, crater lakes and sinkholes, terrorist hermits, megafauna trails, ancient mariners, carnivorous snails, UFO tales …

What we encountered only scratched the surface and it’s fair to say the place is, well, pretty quiet and turning even moreso. Here’s a quick log to bring you up to date.

Birregurra: Planter boxes, tumbleweeds, heritage trail signs about everything that’s not there.

Forrest: ET pushbike in the trees, over-priced, collapsible meat pies, kookaburras laughing at you.  

The Otways near Marengo, Warrnambool heritage.

Apollo Bay: LOTE central, tourists galore. Play spot the Aussie. Where? Oh, there – the bikers gargling in a pub that only sells craft beer. Chicken schnitz pub dinner? Don’t. Wheelie bins painted with colourful fish.

Paradise: Giant ferns, drink straight from the Barham River but watch those cows.

Marengo hinterland: Mist, gums, green slopes, mighty views, blowies.

Castle Cove: Touros, phones, drones, flies.

  

Forrest, Moyne River, Port Fairy.

Lavers Hill: Busy bus stop, clogged dunnies, frazzled looking visitors, week-old fire burning nearby.

Aire Valley: Great countryside to sit at roadworks red lights without roadworks or traffic.

Princetown: Ghost town.

Twelve Apostles: Half the apostles missing, cantilevered lookout a clever new tourist attraction.

Port Campbell: Roadworks, unclogged dunnies, dodgy council truck drivers, beach sunbathers fully clothed but unfrazzled, kick-A suspension bridge.

 

Paradise, Barham River, Koroit Hotel.

Timboon: Pretty hamlet, whiskey distillery, stop and you might not start again. Odd thing, unearthed an ancient US marine jacket in the op shop – maybe he also left a puma cub in the bush.

Cobden: Zzzz, 10-minute school pick-up rush, zzzzz.

Warrnambool: Norfolk pine urban forest, old buildings, sideways trees, live pubs, Guinness, pork snag ragu. Apparently I was conceived there … hmm.

Killarney: Spuds, dunes, dead pub and a mahogany ship somewhere, if not long-gone firewood.

Tower Hill: Volcano, emus, scrub, lake, Von Guerard, interp centre out of action.

  

Apostles, Great Ocean Road, Port Campbell.

Koroit: Micky Bourke’s pub, spud farmer on fish shop roof.

Port Fairy: Norfolk pine oldies’ village, bluestone, antediluvian pubs, Moyne marina, 900g rump steaks.

Budj Bim: Clogged dunny at interp centre, flies, turnoff sign missing.

Mount Gambier: Lakes, craters, shocking blue water catchment, bull-ants v tourists, limestone houses, ordinary schnitzies.

 

  

Mount Gambier, Casterton Hotel.

Casterton: Freeze-frame 1936, comatose kelpie capital memorialised by barbed wire/galvo stockman and mutt. Big hillside Casterton sign so you know where you are.

Coleraine: Vines growing inside store windows, three op shops and a café open.

Hamilton: Smart place but the newspaper’s shutting down.

 

Coleraine, Wannon Falls.

Camperdown: Lunchtime liaisons in Mt Leura lookout carpark.

Colac: Boa-draped gorillas on Murray Street.

Birregurra.

Camperdown.

Excuse the cynicism, I really like all these places but it’s a bit sad to see the demise of things like Pirron Yallock’s floating islands, Colac’s Ferret Cup, the Spectator and its sister papers, the Casterton pub, Princetown’s shops, the Stony Rises’ Koala Motel, the pubs, shops …

An edited version of this article appeared in the Geelong Advertiser 10 December 2024