belugarocks

TRAVEL: Rocking the tourist trade on Koh Samui

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There’s tourist dollars in stones, stoners and supernatural oddities in the jungle paradise of Koh Samui.

Soughing palms, sun-scorched beaches, waterfalls, elephants and croc farms might be the island’s ostensible attractions but it’s giant granite boulders and plain weird that underpin the tourist trade too.

At Wat Kunaram, in the island’s south near Ban Thurian, for instance, I find Buddhist devotees praying to Luang Phaw Daeng, a monk who’d predicted the day of his death at age 79 back in the 1970s.

The monk’s corpse sits upright in a large glass case, his head assuming a rock star aspect with sunglasses shielding his no-doubt spooky looking eyes from scrutiny. He fed himself a special diet that’s purportedly responsible for his body’s mummified state ever since.

It’s zombie-creepy but the religious ectoplasm floating about lends the show a nice Zen aspect. Monks chanting in the temple to the rear, and another bright and colourful new temple next door, extend further gravity to what has to be a con.

The jovial monk at the Big Buddha temple at Bo Phut is a different matter. For a few bob, he happily half-drenches me, splashing water over my head and repeating “Goolark, goolark!” at great pace for a couple of minutes. I tell him I’m on my honeymoon and he nearly falls off his perch laughing.

His “goolark” seems to come to fruition the next morning with a phone call from home with a tidy new contract. The financial reporting season also turns up a larger-than-expected return on a few stocks I’ve squirreled away.

Driving south to Lamai, I find Hin Ta and Hin Yai — two rocky protruberances loosely resembling a penis and a female pudenda. Grandpa Rock and Grandma Rock are an immensely popular tourist drawcard with stalls, spielers, restaurants and hotels all around.

Sex might sell in the fleshpots of nearby Chaweng, the island’s capital, but here it sells well in the diluted version of geological anatomy.

A fat Japanese bloke poses on the ground, lying on his back with grandpa strategically positioned to emerge erect from his midriff. Giggling European girls pose with fingers pinching poor old pop in the background. The Muslim girls are up for a laugh, too. Others place their young children in front of grandpa for a family happy snap.

Camera tricks and dick tricks corroborate in a tropical puppetry of the penis.

The Samuis like their rocks. My hotel at Lamai, the Beluga, is built around them. In addition to its fluorescent indigo, lime, blue and red lighting, the hotel features smart, glazed rocky faces metres high and metres long in the walls of its rooms.

My bathroom is a rocky cavern with a shower and a dunny and a few tiles. Quite remarkable, too, if not especially sexy. I feel a bit like Fred Flintstone.

The hotel is Greek-inspired Thai contemporary architecture. All blazing white stone, sparse vegetation – a central frangipani and a palm or two only – and built by a Frenchman named Roman. Go figure.

Night falls and my neighbours have erected a pair of wooden teepee frames, adorned with fairy lights, and a swag of turquoise bean bags, atop the granite tor adjoining our two hotels.

So I sit on the beacon rocks as the sun tumbles behind into the jungle and fishing boat lights emerge on the horizon. Frosty Singhas complete the experience admirably.

I discover a strange bar among the giant seaside boulders beside Grandpa and Grandma. It’s a reggae bar cum tree-house cum memorial to Bob Marley, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison.

Not a straight line in the place and two beers under your belt you become a serious leg injury liability. Drop a match and you’d all be toast.

But the place is rather brilliant. Cushions galore, ladder steps everywhere, crooked branch handrails, red and yellow lighting … it’s a kind of Peter Pan Lost Boys cubby hut meets Pirates of the Caribbean Isla de Muerta bar.

It’s called The Rock Bar, of course. Looks like an underground bar buried under dried palm fronds until you delve inside, whereupon it takes on a high-rise aspect from its tangled base between several shoreline rocks.

The scent of cannabis glides up, over and through the bar’s multifarious levels. A Thai-Jamaican band has set up just inches above the incoming sea.

Inland at Na Mueang waterfall, an 80-metre cascade in a pretty jungle hideaway, visitors skid and slide over slippery rocks as they seek out their perfect snapshot. Auto apertures can’t cope with the dark foliage and brilliant sunlight, though, resulting in indistinct silhouette shots.

Long-suffering elephants, swaying sadly in their chained misery, are coerced upriver to the falls with loads of tourists on their backs. The river’s anything but a sandy passage. It’s rocks, rocks and more rocks, and they’re working for peanuts, and bananas.

One slip by the pachyderm and everyone’s cactus. Except the operator.

Nearby is local tourist trap Valentine’s Rock, which you can pose beneath for 100 baht, alongside hosts of heart-shaped sculptures. Get your toes nibbled by fish in a pond, too, if you fancy.

If you like your rocks hot, you can climb up the hill to a café with a balcony lookout over Lamai and its ever-encroaching palms and jungle, and fishing boats out to sea. A fistful of wooden hashtag signs await your photo-selfie opportunity: #lovely #viewpoint, #hi and the likes.

The German honeymooners who ask me to snap a photo of them have a #inlove sign. Where’s a #frankfurt sign when you need one, I wonder.

On the way back down the hill I realise I missed the Valentine park’s central sculpture — a two-metre wooden penis. Punters are milling about for photos and selfies.

Seems some smart cookie got through Samui Tourism 101 with flying colours.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Selling property: Reveal that true sense of place

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Selling a property and looking for that extra edge to attract potential buyers?

Maybe you need to lift your game beyond listing just the normal features and attributes of said property.

New owners like to know about their prospective pile’s story. Its background. How it fits in locally.

Older houses often boast curious and unusual stories; layers and colours, if you like, across the years.

Dig about and find what stories there are to your house, to its occupants, its neighbourhood, and you could have a serious additional selling attribute.

Sure, features, location and price are all important. But just think, if you’re buying a new house wouldn’t you like to know its story?

Sense of place is valuable. So value it.

The following is an example of how you can tell such a story.

Oh, and another tip — use a professional writer to do the job. It can make all the difference.

…………

Cypresses and currawongs, bunya bunya pines and peppercorns, art deco and heritage are part of the furniture around Eastern Beach.

So too, heritage properties, bluestone pavers, the smell of the sea, history dripping from the fig trees and 100-mile views across glistening waters to faraway hills and horizons.

Peep inside a few houses and you’ll find all manner of collectibles, old architectural renderings, glorious cornices, fireplaces, verandahs, cast-iron and polychrome masonry, observatories …

It paid to be observant in early Geelong. Eastern Beach oversaw the merchant trade that grew Geelong as it plied its way across Corio Bay below, right from the port’s earliest Point Henry days and the shaky-looking jetties off Yarra Street.

Police quarters and pilot houses were positioned high on what is now Eastern Beach Road. Until 1960, it was Victoria Parade. With no trees impeding their view, the inhabitants of these quarters had first sight of ships entering the bay.

Painters such as Mossman and Liardet, in the 1840s, depicted Eastern Beach as an area apart from the centre of Geelong. It was lightly wooded and a solid uphill walk from the Corio and Yarra streets CBD. But then, everywhere in Geelong was an uphill walk those days.

It wasn’t long before the town’s well-to-do took up residence there: Fyfe, Day, Douglas, Solomon, Harding and numerous others all found their way over time.

Alexander Fyfe, one of its earliest developers, built the illustrious but ill-fated Singapore Terrace there. Just near Swanston Street; nine magnificent units of imported cedar and housing more than 70 wealthy residents.

That was in 1855. In 1862, sadly, the whole project came crashing to the ground in a terrifying blaze.

But Eastern Beach didn’t lose its allure.

In the late 1880s, an exquisite etching of Eastern Beach by artist Melton Prior was published in the London Illustrated News.

The area was clearly a prosperous Antipodean idyll, populated with wooden bathing sheds and sailing ships. Elegant, coiffed ladies, well-dressed gentleman and happy cherubs lolled and strolled about the grassy cliffside paths. Two-storey mansions punctuated the background.Things didn’t come much better in Victorian times.

By the 1920s, buildings such as the Walbaringa Maisonettes, Windlesham and Rosehaugh brought new inter-war architectural blood to a precinct where accountants, merchants, auctioneers, solicitors and retailers had long occupied federation and Victorian cliffside homes.

Rosehaugh, at present-day 48 Eastern Beach Road, was built by William Reid after he bought the site as fenced land from the estate of John Price in 1923. The Reid family kept the house until the late 1960s when it was bought by Clive Hill. It changed hands again, more recently, to its present owners, who hail from Victoria’s southwest.

Less than a stone’s throw from the historic iron prefab Corio Villa, which sold for an undisclosed sum in 2013 after being advertised at more than $5.2 million, Rosehaugh is an extremely rare property to hit the market.

When the Californian bungalow-styled Rosehaugh came into being, then as now, big changes were afoot in Geelong.

The Market Square clock tower was removed, after nearly 70 years in the town’s centre, Bert Rankin was given the nod to skipper the Geelong Football Club ahead of their first VFL flag. Carji Greeves took out the first Brownlow Medal, after Charles Brownlow died months earlier.

A new bridge was built over the Barwon, Ford started building a new factory at North Geelong, the Phosphate Works too. The Joy Ark on the waterfront was being dismantled, its frame to be re-used building The Palais.

Meanwhile, City Hall was clamouring for a clean-up of the rubbish tip further out around neighbouring Eastern Park, presaging the start of building on the art deco swimming enclosure at Eastern Beach. Things were looking up for the area, and by and large they’ve remained up ever since.

Mind you, salubrious as Eastern Beach might be, it’s not been without its peccadilloes.

Running squabbles between police and hoon hot-rodders were long a fixture of the area. No so these days. And a certain former mayor resident along the cliff-face once campaigned for a casino on the waterfront, basically in front of his home, before he was bundled away behind bars for nicking millions that he blew on gambling.

There’s also the story of another former mayor, and a senior local public servant, both resident on the estimable Eastern Beach, as the road is abbreviated, clashing nastily over fenceline encroachments, reportedly with sizeable firearms drawn in the standoff.

One of the more curious tales involves Dr Day, John Day, whose home was beside the site that would become Rosehaugh. Day experimented with all sorts of things; ozone, hydrogen peroxide, turps, benzene, petrol, essential oils inter alia. He ran up diagnostic blood tests and other clever 19th century medical advances.

Day’s antiseptic work led to the world’s first toilet deodoriser. A chemical version, perhaps, of the gnarled ancient peppercorns lining the former Victoria Parade once widely viewed, in the days of nightsoilmen, as repellent to insects and other nasties.

They’ve certainly helped maintain that salubrious aspect of Eastern Beach, those pretty, heavily-scented beauties. And make no mistake, this address is still salubrious.

Very salubrious.

© noelmurphy.com.au

Fathers Day

Fathers Day: Socket sets, drills and birds eggs

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Funny the things you think of around Fathers Day. Kids, socket sets and drills, belts and socks, burnt toast and scrambled eggs, maybe a bottle of whiskey. All of which is terrific and I love the collection of coloured pasta cards and paintings I’ve been stashing away since the kindergarten years.

But, increasingly, I find myself thinking of tiger snakes and circuses, irrigation channels, drenching sheep, birds eggs, scoring at cricket, tennis practice against the garage door, haystacks, comic books, Viscount cigarettes … things I did with my old man when I was a kid. Maybe not the smokes.

The lion tamer we saw under the bigtop, the week before I started school, was immense but the earliest memory is probably on his knee in the back yard with Blackie. Poor mutt died to a bait. Raised above his six-two head, the world seemed a long way below. Watching him wield an axe in the woodheap was an awesome spectator sport for a three-year-old.

Farm life was frogs and caterpillars, cows and sheep, magpies and Joe Blakes, and lots more. Dad let us kids push him over the fence to be chased by bulls. Great joke. When a tiger snake snuck under the laundry’s wooden slats he introduced it to hot water. Under the house, he had his mate come round with a shotgun to clear it out.

He was fast bowler with the weirdest run-up I’ve seen. Kind of like Fred Flintstone’s twinkle-toes tenpin bowling run-up but deadly. Hat tricks, bowling averages, captained premiership teams, hit a century the day my brother was born — all of this after a sterling NSW schoolboy career in tennis, rugby and rowing with pennants and trophies all over the garage.

Drove me to distant farms — across rickety wooden bridges, up steep bush tracks — where he’d help some cockie with pasture irrigation, maybe a leaky dam, some soil advice. We weighed sheep, tagged them, drenched them. Roamed about strange plots called 12A or somesuch, checking pasture samples, digging boreholes, moving sheep from paddock to paddock. “Way back, Lassie! Way back!” we’d both bellow at the generally confused kelpie.

He’d disappear for days at a time for field days, to visit farms. Names like Elmore, Hamilton, Casterton, Warrnambool, Dookie, Numurkah, Rochester, Kyabram were familiar to me long before I ever knew where they were. He’s come home with all sorts of things — one time, chunks of green moss on a mission I requested. When the Melbourne Show was on, he’d work there with the Ag Department and bring home cowboy hats, Coles showbags, licorice galore, comics.

We’d visit the upstairs office where he’d check files and reports while I’d ransack the place for anything of value to a kid. Or I’d sneak into the nosebleed haystack next door to watch goings-on far below. One shed below served as a kind of general store with newspapers and stuff.

The old boy and I would put the milk bottles out at night, spread honey on hot bread when it arrived in the morning. In winter, we’d crack the ice on puddles, cut kindling and check paddocks for mushrooms. We’d pore over solar system planets on petrol station posters, Tarzan comics, books about Cro-Magnon hunters, Aladdin, Moby Dick.

He could pull the tablecloth off the table without breaking anything. We’d listen to The Seekers on an old timber stereo that also played his old 78s. “When whippoorwills call and evening is nigh ….”

Dad humming tunes from the 1940s carried us all the way up to the Mitta Valley to see his Dad, old Ned, of whom I was apparently the spitting image. He was his old man’s pride and joy: boarding scholarships all the way through St Pat’s at Goulburn and St John’s at Sydney Uni. Ferocious bloody school reports he collected.

Milking cows, a spot of shooting, chasing turkeys, kero heaters, fire-driven fridges, drying clothes in the oven, the Angelus and old photos were the order of the day at The Mitta. And stories about floods, farms, mountain funerals, Banimboola, Tallangatta, Yackandandah, Wagga Wagga, families — Duncans, Carmodies, Larkins, Finns. Must get back there.

I was Dad’s first kid, he fathered seven of us, so he was pretty happy when my first kid came along on his birthday. Sixty-six years later, mind you. Was going to call the bub James, too. After him.

She’s pretty happy we didn’t.

noelmurphy.com.au

Storyteller

Storyteller: Tell us a story, your story …

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So here’s a few questions you probably ask yourself more often than you want.

How do I make my business more attractive? How do I make my sales staff more interesting to clients? How do I make advertising and marketing pitches sing?

Sound familiar? They’re pretty fundamental, everyday questions.

They shouldn’t be.

You’ve probably tried tackling them with more advertising. With a greater presence on social media. With louder, amped-up websites.

And you might have enjoyed a reasonable degree of success, too.

But somehow, for all your good work, things seem to have levelled off. Plateaued.

Now you need something new, something fresh, to win new traction for your business.

But ideas are thin on the ground. That “Eureka!” moment’s just not happening.

Maybe it’s time to revisit an old friend:

Content.

Yes, sure, you’ve done content up to your eyeballs. Like everyone else, you know content is king. And like everyone else you’ve made sure your content is informative, short and sharp, easy to understand.

But unlike everyone else, are you offering something different?

This could be the real question you need to address.

This especially so now, when content has developed a certain sameness across more than a few industry sectors.

And while everyone’s bombarding everyone with – yawn — friendly banter, yawn, oh-so-clever maxims and generic insights, and muzak life tips, well … it all becomes white noise after a while.

People switch off. They’re sick of it, frankly.

And your content can be a crossfire casualty.

Ask yourself, would you read your content if it wasn’t about your business?

Hmmm.

So what to do?

Maybe it’s simpler than you think — if you get creative at telling your stories.

The internet loves the unusual, the quirky. It’s screaming out for the unusual, for the entertaining, the whimsical and engaging.

Your clients might appreciate a new perspective.

You don’t have to stop what you’re doing. Just finesse it a little.

Make it a little more fun, more engaging. Utilise the fun side, the quirky aspects, the human side, of your business.

Not sure just how to do that?

Talk to a storyteller. An experienced, professional writer.

You might just be surprised at how good a story you’ve never shared.

And so might your clients.

Camino

The Camino: A pilgrim’s grisly sojourn

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Demons, holy wars, sex, blood and gore, torture and fire, sacred bones, con artists — there’s nothing like a good walk on the wild side to highlight the fevers so closely tied to religion.

And there’s no better place to find all of these charming elements of faith than the Camino de Santiago, the famed pilgrim foot-slog across the north of Spain.

In fact, it’s fair to say it’s no place for the squeamish, physically or mentally. Just ask Ballarat author Kate Simons.

Simons has gathered a startling catalogue of forgotten tales of the Camino – curious, bizarre, terrifying — in forensic style in her new book Medieval Wanders and Wonders.

Her account starts out with a grisly story of sex, self-mutilation, demonic intercession and zombie-like resurrection. A sorely-tempted ascetic, Gerald, and his manhood part ways in the nastiest of ways.

But he’s only one of innumerable pilgrims who have made their way to Santiago to venerate the holy relics of the apostle Saint James, or Santiago as the Spaniards know him.

Simons delivers an incisive, arresting catalogue of everything from the machinations of popes, bishops, kings, knights and nobles to inquisitions, reliquaries, rituals, ascetics, art and architecture.

It’s a brutal story and a rollicking ride for what, by rights, is an academic discourse. Simons proves time and again that history, especially religious history, is every bit as shocking as any modern-day front-page screamer.

And then some. Like ISIS on steroids.

Dr Kate Simons, a research fellow at Federation University, trekked the Camino under the blazing Spanish sun, not knowing she would fall under the spell of its treasure trove of religious history, fervour, persecution, manipulation and well, horror stories.

Her Medieval Wanders and Wonders details in glorious fashion life and death, Heaven and Hell, crusades, warfare, monasticism, witchcraft, medicine, fear – the whole gamut of medieval thought and practice underpinning the pilgrim mind, body and soul.

Medieval minds weren’t exactly the greatest intellectual sponges about and Simons is quick to highlight the charlatans so willing to exploit religion, and pilgrims, for their base ends.

Simons pokes, prods, even parodies, the medieval mind with a healthy dose of cynicism in a critical — at times withering and at all times entertaining — scrutiny of the Camino.

A riveting, historical tour de force, Medieval Wanders and Wonders shines fresh light on the Camino de Santiago that will enthral travellers, lovers of intrigue, history and real-life thrillers.

Medieval Wanders and Wonders

By Kate Simons

www.austinmacauley.com

Reveal yourself

Loosen up, reveal a bit of yourself

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This could be a reveal. How’s that profile of yours going?

I don’t mean to get too personal but do you think it’s still cutting it?

Lots of competition out there, you need to be at the top of your game. And you know the old story … first impressions matter.

So, again, how’s that profile of yours going?

Is it showing you as the professional only and not your personality?

Not every client is going to connect with a mega-driven, ultra-focussed, uber-confident superhuman.

Many would be just as comfortable with someone they can relate to, and who they believe has their best interests at heart.

Maybe a lot more comfortable.

Is your more human side something your current profile reflects? Does it show anything of your other interests? What you do outside of work? Things where you might find a natural common ground with your clients?

It might be sport, a theatre group, a wine-tasting club, or arts and crafts of some sort. Maybe you’re a charity volunteer, maybe a bellringer at the local church. Perhaps, like this scribe, you double up as a musician.

Does your profile reveal some of the other you? You know it might just help you engage more effectively with your clients if it did.

Like I said, I don’t mean to get too personal but it might be time to talk to a writer. One who can convey all your attributes to your clients.

The Building blogs of business

Blogs: Building blocks of business relations

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Blogs and building relations are critical to sales — first-time sales and ongoing sales alike.

We all like to deal with brands, with companies, that are familiar. Names that we know and feel comfortable with.

But how does a business help grow that familiarity, that confidence, that comfort factor?

In many ways, truth be known. But one very special way is with blogs.

Why blogs?

Well, for one, because a blog doesn’t have to try to sell something.

A blog can be like a chat with a girlfriend over a coffee, with a mate at the footy. What you’d call a water-cooler conversation. It’s not the hard sell. It’s not selling anything, actually. Except goodwill.

The blog idea is simple. Talk about something interesting, maybe something topical.

Talk in a way that shows your personality. Engage your blog’s reader to show you value them beyond just the money they might mean to your business.

In many countries, business is all about relationships and friendships.

Friendships are important because they grow and depend on trust. But friendship depends on talking with one another.

You can do that talking with a blog. It’s easy. Invite your clients to talk, listen to what they have to say. Talk to each other. Communicate. Become familiar with one another. Listen to the feedback and learn.

Blogs are a great investment in your business’ most valuable asset, its people. They could work wonders for your business.

Get ahead of the game. Get blogging.

 

PS: What do you think of this blog post? Email me @ info@noelmurphy.com.au.

Engage more often

Engage more with your clients … it’s your call

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How often do you hear that you need to engage more with your clients?

Be nice to have a dollar for each time you did. Be even nicer, better for your business, if you could actually engage more often. And a bit more easily, too.

But you know the story, finding time is tough. Your business is already demanding your attention, always. Then there’s the family, the kids, the gym …

It’s a wonder you have any time free at all, let alone for extra engaging with your business network.

Still, you know the importance, the very real value, of making that extra contact. Of checking in, even if just for a quick g’day, with your clients.

A phone call goes a long way, of course. And if you can squeeze one or two in while you’re in the car, terrific. But mobile phones have a way of adding to the busyness of the coal-face, and cutting out what might once have been a little free space.

Even if you can get in that call or two, how do you stop yourself sounding stressed or forced? Or worse, like you’re ticking the boxes?

At the risk of sounding a little old school, what about sending a personal email? Maybe even an old-fashioned letter?

Yeah, yeah, who has the time for that? And who reads their emails, let alone snail-mail letters?

You might be surprised to find it’s lots of people. You read all your own, don’t you?

Okay, people might not get right back to you straight away if you write them, they might be busy too. But rest assured, a quick personal note just touching base, even if there’s nothing much going on, will be noted. And appreciated.

It shows you value them.

Trick is, how to get out to those clients quickly and efficiently when your time’s at a premium already.

In truth, it’s not really so hard. Not much more than a quick phone call, really.

That’s provided you talk to someone who can relay your thoughts and your personality — readily and concisely — out to your network.

You need a writer. That’s what they do. Write just what you need. Quickly, properly and, importantly, professionally.

Talk to one next time you get a free minute or two. Make that minute or two. You might just be saving your business.

And you might be surprised at just what else they can help you with as well.

Content is king, and critical to your clients

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Content: (noun) substantive information or creative material.

Sounds flash, eh?

Just whip up a bit of content for your website. Bit of impressive banter, a few buzzwords, bit of the old vocabulary.

Yep, shouldn’t be too hard to get something substantive and creative. That ought to rope in a few new clients. It’s just words. How hard can it be?

Hmmm.

Thing is, when’s the last time you read something you’d write yourself and found it … ahem, engaging?

Or convincing enough to persuade you to learn more?

Content is curious stuff. It can be engaging, whimsical, serious, pushy, persuasive, authoritative, sympathetic.

In business, it’s everything.

Content is tied closely to credibility, survival, turnover and, ultimately, success.

Content is king. On your website. In your reports. In your media statements, your blogs — everything you put out to your existing and prospective clients.

But it must be the right content. Not something just thrown together because it sounds clever, has a few big words and looks kind of pretty.

Content has to engage your client.

It has to communicate what they want to hear from you.

It has to relay what you want to say without sounding pushy, overbearing or a try-hard.

In short, it has to be believable. It has to be genuine.

Which, in the end, means it has to be compiled by a professional.

Don’t leave something so important to chance … or you won’t be very ‘content’ in the other sense of the word.

PS: What do you think of this blog post? Email me @ info@noelmurphy.com.au.

New Year

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Welcome to 2017. Hope it’s a beaut for you and yours.

Always a curious thing how the New Year’s so full of good intentions. Never any shortage, it seems, of resolutions, ambitions and promises as the calendar ticks over to mark another 365-day orbit around the Sun.

After the turmoil of 2016, expectations of something better will be running high.

Personally, my resolution is to make sure I don’t become a celebrity, not that there’s much danger of that happening.

How many beloved celebrities shuffled off the mortal coil last year? It must have been a nerve-wracking year to be a celeb.

Check out the list: David Bowie, Robin Williams, Prince, Muhammad Ali, Leonard Cohen, Gene Wilder, Glenn Frey, George Martin, Arnold Palmer, Keith Emerson, Ronnie Corbett, Merle Haggard, Leon Russell … and there were plenty more.

Even pretty Carol Brady, Florence Henderson, fell off the perch.

So I’m planning to fly under the radar, stay well away from TV reality shows and avoid X Factor auditions. I’ll be putting music recording on hold and my best-selling book plans under the bed.

I’m even tempted to stop answering the phone ‘I wake up with Today’ but, hey, I could use the bucks.

One thing I can’t avoid at the start of each New Year, though, is a couple of predictions. It’s a bit of a bad habit, given so many of them fail to materialise. But for reasons I’m a bit scared to analyse I persist.

So here goes: 10 tips for 2017.

  1. Bill Shorten replaced as Federal Opposition leader by Anthony Albanese.
  2. Donald Trump savaged over insider trading profiteering after the markets soared on the back of his passive election speech.
  3. Stock market shock as Wikileaks revealed economic figures and forecasts doctored by Chinese government.
  4. Revived avian flu scare after several species of migratory birds across Pacific Rim are found infected.
  5. IS forces decimated in Syria by US/Russian coalition.
  6. Kanye West jailed on ice charges.
  7. Essendon footballer Jobe Watson wins Brownlow Medal, but forfeits due to report.
  8. One Nation MP Pauline Hanson successfully sues ABC for defamation.
  9. Former Geelong mayor Darryn Lyons signs on for Virgin flight into space.
  10. Angelina Jolie marries Johnny Depp in shock rebound pairing after recent divorces for both.

Sorry about that but I’m glad it’s out of my system. A Happy New Year to you, and all the best in 2017.

 

PS: What do you think of this blog post? Email me @ info@noelmurphy.com.au.