Don’t you hate those told-you-so people? Nothing much more irritating than a smug, smart-arse rubbing it in when you’re beaten. Sinking the slipper, kicking you when you’re down. But, hey, you know what? Now they’re going down, succumbing to Covid, making up the vast majority of hospital cases, it’s a fair dinkum case of told you so … if not me, plenty of others far better versed to do so.

Yep, it’s a true race to the bottom by those rusted-on, know-all anti-vaxxer troglodytes who can’t be told a bloody thing about the dangers of Covid or the efficacy of vaccines. True crusaders with their heads so far stuck where the sun don’t shine a procotologist with an excavator couldn’t help them.

Can’t and won’t be told anything by a couple of hundred years of medical advances. Don’t believe in science but they’re happy to utilise the super-technology of the internet to source the most inaccurate and poisonous information possible. Then spread it to the world on uber-sophisticated mobile phones via encrypted apps. Like monkeys with machine-guns.

Some people are just magnets for anything that sounds ridiculous. Anything that sounds real must be some sort of conspiracy by governments, big pharma, evil telcos. These geniuses couldn’t tell shite from dirty pudding if you rubbed it in their face. And that’s what they’re happily doing to you without their masks. Except E.coli’s a lot kinder. It’s called assault in my book. Deliberate and pre-meditated.

Like lemmings looking for a cliff to throw themselves off. They’ll tell you they’re hesitant, researching, waiting on more information, waiting for a better vaccine. I can understand the fear factor, if you think you’re in some way compromised health-wise. But any GP, not the shonks giving away free exemptions, will tell you your chances of trouble with the vaccine are infinitesimal compared to with Covid.

And as we open up there’s going to be a lot of Covid about. Whether you like it or not. Whether you believe it or not.  And anti-vaxxers have made it clear they want to target the restaurants and pubs, the cafes and retailers, who don’t allow them in. They’re not protecting any democratic rights, they’re seeking vengeance for being called out against the softest targets they can find. Gutless, gormless and witheringly selfish grubs.

All reminds me of the Darwin Awards: those brave blundering souls helping secure the integrity of the human gene pool by eliminating themselves from the human race in outlandishly foolish stunts. Same with TV’s Horrible Histories and its magnificent Stupid Deaths.

But it is possible there’s a species even more infuriating. The Covidiot converts. Those heroes who previously had to tell you how Covid wasn’t real but now, after unfortunately surviving it, just have to tell you how real it is. Thanks guys. I really wouldn’t have believed it unless a Rhodes scholar like you told me.

What they don’t tell you is how they occupied a bed for a fortnight that someone else needed. Someone waiting, often in pain and fear – and sometimes paying extra for the privilege through private health cover – for a long overdue operation. Something that might lessen their vulnerability to Covid. Someone who was vaccinated.

But we have to put up with: “It’s real, it’s real! I nearly died! Get vaccinated!”

Get knotted. And get out of my bloody bed. And I’ll take my medical advice from doctors and experts, not imbeciles. You’ve been happy to tell me what an idiot I am. Shove it. Mind you, I do feel sorry for the odd sod out there who does listen. Like their poor family, their kids.

I’m told it’s probably the Dunning Kruger syndrome at play. That’s a theory, which may or may not be correct, but basically suggests people can over-estimate their cerebral capacity if they’re a bit light on in that specific department. Being loaded up with misinformation can aggravate the misconception.

Conversely, people who are well endowed in the grey matter department may conservatively under-estimate their ability. It’s a theory, which in science, means it’s an ever-evolving thing – like Covid. Which will be wasted on people who subscribe to junk science. Myself, I generally subscribe to the Peter Principle on most matters. It suggests people’s circumstances generally rise to their own level of incompetency. Makes me a high achiever. I think. But then again …

On a more sober note, if you’d like to know what can really happen to people ignoring the Covid warnings, and I kind of hesitate to suggest this, go take a look at Sorryantivaxxer.com

You’ll be sorry you did. But it might just save your life.

An edited version of this article appeared in the Geelong Advertiser 19 October 2021